You may have thought your job raising your kids would be over now, or you may be grieving that they’ve left your home.

They are:

-busy building their lives

-becoming independent (just what you’ve been preparing them for, yet you miss the days when they were little)

-starting families of their own

It all went by so fast. And now, you’re experiencing some confusion or conflict over your adult child’s choices or having trouble letting them go. You’re not sure about boundaries or the financial obligations of your relationship now. Or you’re searching for activities to keep your mind off of them, but it’s hard to find a new purpose.

You are witnessing your parents slowing down, having more health concerns or moving away for better weather.  

They are:

-trying to hang on to their independence, but need help

-close enough for you to start taking care of their house repairs, grocery shopping or you’ve become their “tech support”

-experiencing memory loss that worries you about their safety, finances and general well-being

Or perhaps they live far from you and you’re experiencing guilt about not being able to do more. Caregiving as your parents age can be a lovely gift to honor and respect them, yet for many people in middle age, it is the hardest job of all. The financial responsibility can be enormous.

You might have unresolved issues, conflict as the old family patterns re-emerge. You may have siblings that are part of the mix. Sometimes clashes over decisions, heirlooms, inheritance, care choices or family dynamics make this an especially challenging, stressful season. In some cases, it’s even led to estrangement.

They don’t seem to have the bandwidth to listen to you, just as you might not have for them. Many of your friends are parents of your kids’ friends, and you worry the connections you’ve developed are now going to dissolve when you’re not catching up at high school sporting events or choir concerts or serving on the prom committee together anymore.  

You keep hearing about the studies that say social connections are so very important to your well-being as you get older, but you question whether you have the time and energy to make new friends. Or maybe the friendships you’ve had have been difficult, and you’ve been disappointed or even hurt and have backed off so that you don’t have to feel so misunderstood.

You feel distant from your spouse after years of investment in your careers and family, and now that family experience is changing.

You notice that opposing values, choices and priorities are leading to more difficult conversations…or no conversations at all.

You feel frustrated, like you can’t bridge the gap, and some days, to be honest, you’re not sure if you want to.

Too many problems ignored, too many arguments left unsettled, too many issues swept under the rug. It’s all left you wondering if you have anything in common anymore, is this a marriage worth saving?